When Your Heart is Tired and Weary
by Akshay Rajkumar
Photo by Luis Villasmil on Unsplash
I am tired and weary.
As a knowledge worker, I am weary of thinking, writing, studying, teaching, training, and preparing sermons. Though our labour in the Lord is not vain, it is undoubtedly tiring (1 Cor. 15:58, 2 Cor. 4:7).
As a Christian, my soul is weary of shepherds feeding themselves, people who have shipwrecked their faith, wolves in sheep’s clothing, swindlers who peddle the Word of God for profit, and those who have a form of godliness but deny its power (Ezek. 34:2, 1 Tim. 1:19, Matt. 7:15, 2 Cor. 2:17, 2 Tim. 3:5, Phil. 3:18).
I often feel as the apostle Paul did, “For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ” (Phil. 2:21).
To be a pastor is to be in the people-changing business. It is heavy on the heart and anxious for the mind to labour until Christ is formed in the hearts of people (Gal. 4:19, 2 Cor. 11:28).
I am battle-weary from the fight with the world, the enemy, and the flesh. As an approval-seeking person, I am weary of my quickness to please people and slowness to speak truthfully. As it turns out, I too have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out (Rom. 7:18).
Living in Delhi is living in a state of constant negotiation—for space in traffic, time for people, and peace of mind. It is wearisome to live in a rat-racing, power-hungry, fast-paced, slow-learning, self-reliant, God-defiant city. I often feel as David did, “I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war!” (Ps. 120:7)
It is wearisome to live as a Christian in a country where it is hard to be one, freely.
I am tired and my soul is weary.
This is an excerpt taken with permission from Akshay Rajkumar’s blog on The Gospel Coalition India. Please click to here to continue reading the original article.
Akshay Rajkumar is an author and pastor of a church called Redeemer in New Delhi, where he lives with his wife Shruti and their two daughters. He blogs at The Weary Soul Rejoices, for The Gospel Coalition India. You can follow him on Instagram @thewearysoulrejoices