When My Ministry Isn't Making a Difference
by Akshay Rajkumar
I answered the call to pastoral ministry ten years ago and planted the church where I have been serving as pastor for the past eight years. In the first few years, I wanted to quit every week, sometimes every day.
This is because pastoral ministry can be desirable and undesirable at the same time. It can be desirable because it promises things that appeal to the darker desires of our hearts—the allure of a pulpit, the admiration of people, and the authority to lead. It can be undesirable because it comes with things that test the depth of our character—the weight of a pulpit, the scrutiny of people, and the responsibility to lead.
In addition to this, there are sleepless nights over difficult conversations, anxiety for people who face overwhelming situations, fear when proclaiming the gospel in hostile territory, feelings of inadequacy because of unwanted behavior in your life, frustration and anger over unwanted behavior in the lives of others, and the heavy emotional toll it takes on your marriage and children.
I didn’t always want to be a pastor. I wanted to be a globe-trotting, conference-speaking, book-signing, award-winning, free-thinking writer. People appreciate books by authors more than sermons by pastors, or so I thought. This was the way I could make a genuine difference in the world. Little did I know that the Lord wanted to make a difference in my life, as much as he wanted to make one through my life. And this is true even when it feels like our ministry isn’t making a difference.
HE PURIFIES OUR HEARTS
Pastors can be biased toward a purity of doctrine over a purity of motive. We can be more concerned about the health of our flock than the health of our hearts. But good shepherds watch their lives and their doctrine closely (1 Timothy 4:6). They keep watch over themselves and their flocks (Acts 20:28).
Pastors who are more eager to offer help than to ask for it will find themselves feeling helpless when others are in need. Every pastor who wants to be faithful in ministry needs to rely on the ministry of Jesus, his faithful pastor.
Is the gospel making a difference to your heart? Do you need to keep the Sabbath holy? Do you need to confess something to a trusted friend? Are you working too hard? Are you suppressing grief, concealing sin, carrying shame, or harboring fears? Do you need hear the gospel from someone more than you need to preach it to someone? God can use the pressures we face to purify us.
HE LEADS US TO TRUTH
Spiritual warfare looks less like a horror movie and more like a spy thriller that is full of lies, deceit, and misinformation. The devil is the father of lies. Anytime you are tempted to believe a lie, you may be engaged in spiritual warfare.
Whenever faithful proclamation of the gospel does not produce visible results, we are tempted to believe the lie that God’s word goes out in vain, and therefore, we should stop proclaiming it. Even if we know what is true rationally, the lies can affect us emotionally.
That pain could simply be the sting of a flaming arrow of the enemy that has pierced your heart and poisoned your mind. We answer the lies of the enemy with the promise that Jesus is the head of the church and he will build his church. He uses the challenges we face to lead us back to truths like these so that we would be more than communicators of his word, but convinced of it.
HE DIRECTS OUR EYES TO JESUS
Is it appropriate for us to measure the worth of our ministry? In some ways we must. It is appropriate to examine ourselves for faithfulness to doctrine, eagerness to love, reliance on the Holy Spirit, wholeness in family, and dependence on Christ. But in another sense, we should not even be asking the question.
We are not counted worthy by the difference we make in the lives of others. We are counted worthy by the difference the ministry of Jesus has made to our lives. He has turned orphans into children and traitors into allies. Is there any greater miracle to motivate us in ministry? When we know that his ministry has already made the ultimate difference to us, we can press on in ministry even when it feels like it is not making a difference to anyone else.
Akshay Rajkumar is an author and pastor of a church called Redeemer in New Delhi, where he lives with his wife Shruti and their two daughters. He blogs at The Weary Soul Rejoices, for The Gospel Coalition India. You can follow him on Instagram @thewearysoulrejoices