How to Prepare Your Children for the Effects of Ministry
by Sheryl Jacob
When the Lord called us overseas to plant a church, our first concern was how it would affect our children. We did not know what to expect as we transitioned from familiarity to uncertainty. And like most parents, we were concerned about the unique challenges our children would face.
Would they find it difficult to form new friendships? Would they feel isolated or excluded? What would this decision do to their emotional health? We wanted to prepare them, emotionally and mentally, for this drastic change. Through conversations, journaling, grieving, and processing our anxieties, we found comfort and courage for the call of God for our family.
Whether you are moving to a new city, state, or country, here are practical ways parents can equip children before stepping into full-time vocational ministry.
HOW TO PREPARE
Your children will experience change. Some changes include switching schools, starting new friendships, leaving everyday activities, or adjusting to a new environment. Parents can prepare their children by simply processing the changes with them. Ask them questions like: “How are you feeling about the upcoming changes? What questions do you have? What do you think you will miss most? What concerns you? What are you looking forward to? What can I do to help you feel more prepared for the change?”
We cannot underestimate how disorienting this decision can be for your children. However, allowing them to ask questions, listening to their concerns, and helping them understand what to expect are all helpful ways to both grieve and involve them in the process.
HOW TO LEAD
Change is not the only challenge. When boundaries between ministry and family easily blur, children are often impacted first. Pastors may have a taxing schedule, which limits the time they can spend with their children. For example, they may work long hours, attend evening or weekend events, or travel for ministry purposes. But parents can lead their family well by being attuned to their children’s thoughts and emotions, prioritizing time for sabbath rest, and scheduling regular activities with the family.
When pastors' children feel pressure to live up to high moral standards and be excellent examples to the congregation, parents can remind their children that the aim of our obedience is love for Jesus, and that he is our righteousness on our best and worst days.
If you are called into a context where your children lack friendships, where most families frequently move, or peers live far away, parents can seek out opportunities to connect with other parents in the community, such as volunteering at the child’s school, organizing playdates, participating in sports and music or hobbies with shared interests. Parents can also take the initiative by hosting a game night or inviting other families over for dinner to help build relationships.
These are just a few of the challenges that they may face, and the solutions are almost never easy. Nevertheless, one of the best ways parents can lead their children is by providing a supportive and safe space for them. Create a family culture of sitting down together and talking through hard things. Answer their questions and validate their feelings by letting them know that it is okay to feel upset or hurt by what is happening. Listen to their concerns and reassure them that they are not responsible for what is happening.
THE REWARDS CHILDREN REAP
But it isn’t all sacrifice. There are rewards too! Serving and leading a ministry provides unique opportunities for children to experience the process of starting a new church from scratch. In addition, children can learn valuable skills such as leadership, identifying new giftings, communication, and interpersonal skills. Parents can involve their children in ministry and provide opportunities to serve others in the community. This involvement can help create a positive sense of belonging, and help them discover the deeper joy of serving the Lord and witnessing his hand.
Depending on your calling, your children may learn about new cultures, lifestyles, and customs. Your children may interact with people from diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, religions, and socio-economic backgrounds. As a result, they will learn ways to connect with people with different perspectives and appreciate their differences.
But above all of these, children can develop a deeper faith and grow closer to God as they experience firsthand how a church is built and how it serves the community. Their faith is made flesh before their eyes as their parents react and respond with trust in God in difficult situations.
When parents share their faith experiences with their children, including testimonies of God’s faithfulness, answered prayers, and moments of spiritual growth, children see how their parents’ relationship with Jesus impacts their daily lives, which encourages them to seek out their own faith journey.
As a parent, I am still learning to ask lots of questions and have conversations with my children
regarding their faith and their experiences in ministry. We want to create a family culture that processes our grief, celebrates joyful moments, and prays in secret more than serving in public. The Lord has been kind and gracious by allowing us to not only see the burden, but also the gift of ministry. By his grace, my children have learned to trust Jesus more and depend upon him for all their needs. I hope that as we look back, we will see that it was the Lord preparing our children, not merely for ministry, but for a life of strong faith and love.
Sheryl Jacob is a follower of Jesus, wife to Sujith, and mom of three (Elijah, Ezra, and Anaya). She is also a Marriage and Family Therapist. She thoroughly enjoys hosting competitive game nights, listening to podcast, and is passionate about teaching therapeutic workshops. She and her family serves Jesus through Cornerstone Church in Mumbai, India.
Thank You for these helpful and practical wisdom. What a beautiful reminder on creating a culture where we are transparent in sharing our hearts and encourage our family members to find their identity in Christ. Hope to see more articles, may God Bless you with His wisdom to impact families in a days to come.